Our Kink is Busting Myths – Podcast 29

4 thoughts on “Our Kink is Busting Myths – Podcast 29”

1. Nice job mythbusting!

   Juila Richters et al found no evidence linking kink to trauma in their analysis of a 2001 Australian sexual health sample on a representative sample. Likewise Christian Joyal and Julie Carpentier in a 2015 Quebecoise representative sample. This augments work by Cross and Matheson in the middle of the last decade and Wismijer et al in Holland in 2013 on lesser samples. It is quite hard to show that kinky folk have higher rates of trauma than a general sample for precisely the reasons you cite. Between child abuse, sexual assault, accidents and illnesses, quite a lot of the general population faces potentially traumatic experiences. How they are derined in surveys creates more variance in how prevalent they are than differences between many groups. The one constant: females face more than males.

   For more on kink, mental health and psychotherapy, please feel free to visit my blog: elephantinthehottub.blogspot.com and keep up the lovely work.

2. Hey Russell, Thank you so much for you kind words, and great information, particularly the link to your blog on which I’ve found some great stuff.

   Happy thoughts.

3. Hey OurKink! Thank you for another amazing, thought provoking podcast 🙂

   Your mention of the myth that ‘being a feminist and being a female submissive are mutually exclusive’ got me thinking about my own experiences when I was questioning “if being a pole dancing feminist is hypocritical”. I’d like to offer my insight in relation to the pole world, which may help explain where this myth maybe come from.

   I believe that as a society we’re stuck between the Second- and Third-Wave of feminism. The Second-Wave can be exemplified Naomi Wolf’s ‘The Beauty Myth’, and the movements main focus (in the tiniest nutshell) was breaking down the way the media and pornography portrayed the man’s ideal female archetype. As pole dancers (and I imagine female submissives would be the same) I think second-wave feminists see us as counter to the cause because rather than “standing with them”, we’re electing to reinforce patriarchal bullshit..
   Third-Wave Feminism is where we’re heading, which is the breaking down of ALL gender stereotypes and recognising a spectrum of characteristics. I think that nowadays people are more comfortable with identifying as a “third-waver”, and there’s a bit of frustration that second-wavers won’t get with the times.
   What I would explain to my students is that: as much as what we do makes us feel better about ourselves, and empowered, and is our own expression of feminism, there are still men out there who will hijack our art and/or exploit us because Toxic Masculinity has taught them that it’s okay; that we’re not worthy of having boundaries respected because of this one aspect of ourselves; that we, women, primarily exist for male sexual pleasure. The very thing second-wavers are fighting against. I told my students, “for every photo or video that you post that results in a stranger on the other side of the world propositioning you or sending an unsolicited dick pic, /that/ is what those feminists are fighting against for you”. Yes, it would be great if they’d realise attacking other women is a waste of energy and they should broaden their range of what gender stereotypes to break down.. But “they /are/ in our corner, in their own way, and until we’re safe from this kind of harassment (just because we expressed ourselves), we really need them to be”.

   That’s my insight and experience from another subculture, but I feel it translates well. What do others think? Do you think it’s just Second-wave feminists who believe that feminist and female submissive are/should be mutually exclusive terms?

4. Hey Lyka! Thanks so much again for engaging. And thanks also for your perspective.
   I think you’re absolutely right about there being splits within ‘feminism’ and people working out what the term means to them. For me, it was never a label that I felt fit me comfortably, until what we are now calling ‘Third Wave’ feminism jumped in to clear some things up.
   I have several issues with the feminism I was raised with (Second Wave), but a lot of my rejection of it came from the reactions feminists had to me as a person; treating me like I was letting the team down by calling myself ‘Miss’ and wearing short skirts – which is actually why I began calling myself ‘Mis’ – the prefix of wrongness – I got to be ‘Miss’ without being ‘Miss’! Yay loopholes… I digress!
   But aside from some dodgy af interactions, I felt second wave feminism was asking for equality by encouraging women to become men. Second wave told women to masculinise if they wanted respect eg. be physically strong, make money, don’t look ‘too girly’… To me it’s all based on what is a flawed concept of equality – that being, to be equal we must aspire to be like those in power. Like, why? Why isn’t equality about making those in power accountable to US and our needs? Why does equality mean US changing? In my naivety I honestly thought equality went both ways; I mean, the word kinda suggests that right? Two sides in support? I thought part of feminism should be encouraging men to wear make-up and ‘female’ clothes, shave their legs etc… I think it’s so weird that there’s this whole ‘oh yay let’s celebrate women’ but the majority of men would still balk at wearing a dress. Why? Cos it’s still ‘weak’, it’s still not associated with any actual power… I just find that so freakin odd… 😛 And I absolutely know I shouldn’t… Hehehe.
   Third Wave is much closer to my own natural relationship with what feminism is to me – or what I wanted it to be when I was younger. So I am now able to proudly call myself a feminist, even if I do still do it my way. 🙂

   Thanks again for you thoughts. 🙂 xxx

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